‘My First Film’ Review: Jiya Raag’s ongoing meta-fiction is a stunning take on failure

A still from ‘My First Film’ Photo credit: Mubi

Zia is angry My first film A Paradox – A (second) debut that’s not just about making art, but about how to differentiate art. Streaming on MUBI, the film serves as a hybrid of documentary, performance piece and fiction, tracing Anger’s efforts more than a decade ago to make his first feature, Always by all means, Anne Marie, A project that ultimately collapsed. Yet, rather than dwell in ruins, My first film Turns rubble into something bold and kaleidoscopic — exploring the wild, crazy road of failure, artistic process, and self-expression.

From the first frame, where we’re greeted with the plain sight of a blinking cursor, Rage subverts expectations, acknowledging that what we’re about to witness transcends tradition, using TextEdit to express his thoughts. We are drawn into a deeply interactive experience – both a reflection on his younger self’s missteps and a reckoning with the personal demons that have shaped his journey. There’s a rawness to Raga’s voice here, a desire for our creative (and personal) meltdown that punctuated his early efforts. However, this is not self-indulgence. His exploration of how fragility and vulnerability, conversely, intentionally feels the backbone of artistic curiosity.

a lot My first film Taking place within an outline of memories and self-reflection, Anger, through his fictional stand-in Vita (played by Odessa Young), relives his experiences on set. Vita is the embodiment of youthful passion — ideas, ambition and more than its fair share of dominance. Fury juxtaposes Vita’s earnestness with scenes of decline: a stoned crew that tests, an actress too green for the part, and a suffocating relationship that derails both personal and professional endeavors. The result? A haunting reflection on how youthful ambition can quickly become the wreckage of reality.

A still in Odessa Young from ‘My First Film’ Photo credit: Mubi

in many ways, My first film It is as much a psychological autopsy as it is a cinematic journey of rage. We see Vita struggle with her lack of authority, the frustration of being an inexperienced female director, and the rejected expectations placed on her by both her crew and herself. It’s a bracing, often uncomfortable reminder of how the art world can crush creators before they even begin to create their space.

What makes Rage’s work particularly intriguing is how he marries personal footage, reenactments and reflective voiceovers to create a unique pastiche of memories and ideas. The juxtaposition between the failed shoot and recent self-examination scenes of anger creates a tension of uncertainty — how to reconcile the gap between who we were and who we have become? And through the narrative, Rage doesn’t so much attempt to answer this question as revel in its discomfort.

But the most daring moment My first film Come to its climax, where Rage pulls out all the stops. A miscarriage, depicted through mime and set to the fractured score of Perfume Genius, becomes a visual metaphor not only for bodily autonomy, but also for acts of artistic creation (and destruction). In this surreal, painful moment, Anger hints at something deeper with his own narrative: the pain of letting go of what you thought was the core of your identity.

A still from ‘My First Film’ Photo credit: Mubi

And yet, despite its heavy themes, My first film wickedly funny. Fury knows how to shake off his own younger self with a sharp sense of humor, acknowledging the silliness of his former idealism while never losing sight of the humanity behind it. The joy of watching his film comes from the realization that it’s less a self-empowerment narrative satirizing the many absurdities of independent filmmaking and more just a testament to the messy, messy act of trying and failing and trying again.

My first film Ultimately a love letter to failure. The film is for anyone who has ever chased a dream only to see it shattered at their hands. Rage not only finds beauty in the ruins, but also demonstrates how the steamy, dumpster fire is beauty.

My first film is currently available to stream on MUBI